Being Nice

If you were to ask most people about me, I believe one of the first things someone would say is that I’m nice.  I used to pride myself on being nice and likable.  Recently, I’ve become acutely aware that my niceness is actually not so nice.  The reason why I’ve been nice, is because I WANT people to like me.

So instead of being honest or straight forward, I would be nice.  Instead of saying what I really wanted to say, I would agree and be nice.  I often have even stayed in relationships or friendships that I knew weren’t right for me just because I didn’t want to upset the other person.

When I really thought about it - that is so messed up!  I would never want people to hang out with me, or not be honest with me just because they wanted me to like them.  In fact, I would be mad, think they’re fake and not want to associate with them at all!

Being nice is not a good quality - it’s manipulative.  And what it does is leave me feeling depleted and resentful because I’m completely forsaking myself.

This has been an uncomfortable realization for me and something I am changing.  Instead of being liked, I want to be respected - by myself and others.

I encourage you to look at yourself and your intentions.  The next time someone asks you something and you “don’t want to hurt their feelings,” can you be lovingly honest instead?

That’s my goal.
 

XO

Adrienne